You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
