are you still at the devil's house?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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