I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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