I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Still dying that you shit outside
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
