My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
