He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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