I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
