There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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