i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
