when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
