the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
