sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
