Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
