Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She said her name was "party"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Randomize
