i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
