i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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