I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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