You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
