My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
