i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I want a musical about memes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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