We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
