You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
