would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
