I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
