I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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