Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
