As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
