I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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