I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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