I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
