I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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