i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
