Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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