I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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