hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This girl is more easily done than said...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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