Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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