new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
