I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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