I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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