i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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