Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
