sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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