I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
