she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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