Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
