I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
