forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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