Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
