He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
did i walk over a car last night?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
