Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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