70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
