I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
