He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
