lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
