Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my phone needs a breathalizer
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
