The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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