dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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