I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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